OB fired during birth!

Mom fires OB during birth when threatened with a cesarean!

June 1, 2010 by enjoybirth

http://hypnobabies.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/mom-fires-ob-during-birth-when-threatened-with-a-cesarean/

 

I LOVE this birth story, because it shows how moms can be so powerful during their births!   Mom was induced at 42 weeks, but insisted that the pitocin was turned up slowly and refused to have her water broken.

First off I have to thank all the wonderful women in this group. (Hypnobabies Yahoo Group) Without you and your wonderful stories I don’t think I would have had the confidence to go to the hospital to be induced with pit, and have a beautiful birth.  I was so nervous and upset the few nights before. Your stories gave me the reassurance that I could do this, and I did. Here is our story.

I think overall I let myself be pushed into inducing. We were at the 42wks the Dr. had guessed. My family was all becoming quite impatient and there was a lot of pressure to have her out.  I agreed to be induced and get things started.

The night before I kissed my first child goodnight and tucked him in, in tears. I left him at my MIL’s so we didn’t have to get him up so early the next morning. Friday the 21st at 6 am we were at the hospital. I took a ton of food in with me, because I was not going to do this with no fuel. We got settled, the first nurse got us all checked in did all the paperwork and started the IV. They had a change of shift, so the next nurse, Anna, come-on and she was wonderful.

Anna spoke with us and I told her how things were going to go. To call the doctor if she needed but I was the one birthing a healthy baby, and unless the stats of baby changed, this is what I wanted. She was so cool! I told her we would be doing the pit slowly. I only wanted an increase every 45 min to an hour, not the every 15 the Dr. had ordered. She called the Dr and it was agreed. So off we set.  We had a cervical check and I was barely dilated 2 and my cervix was very posterior.

I had no idea how the pit would work on me and baby so we just waited. Annabella was so squirmy, they couldn’t keep her on the monitors, Anna had to hold them on and move with her. Around 10am my sister arrived. A few hours past and not much was going on. They wanted me to wear O2 for a while, and said baby was accelerating better when it was on. It didn’t bother me so we did.

After awhile the Dr came in and wanted to look for Annabella and when she couldn’t find her well stated the baby was breach and we needed to go have a c-section. I looked at this woman and told her no, baby had not flipped I would have felt it, and I was not getting a c-section today. That if baby had turned, then we would turn off the pit, and I would go see my Chiropractor to help move her around again. I don’t think the Dr liked me. I didn’t care. So she ordered an ultrasound just to see, and I was later told she knew baby was breach and had started the paperwork to send us on.

Annabella was in fact not breech. She was head down just not really engaged. I felt so good knowing I was right. All this happened about 11am. There had been no increase in the pit for awhile, because of the ultrasound, I still wasn’t doing much that I felt anyway. We started upping it again.

During these times since Annabella wasn’t staying on the monitor anyway, I was up. I walked and rolled on the ball. I leaned over the ball to do pelvic tilts. Pretty much anything I wanted. I really enjoyed that.  I was eating and drinking. I was joking and laughing with my sister and husband. At 2pm I declined another cervical check, but was starting to feel some steady waves we started using Hypnobabies. We called my Doula and told her to come on in.

I was standing and rocking my hips back and forth during the waves, and they were nice. Just these waves, they never were uncomfortable. I didn’t feel I needed to go in to off during them so I just stayed in center moving as I felt I needed to. Anna would come in and check baby with a Doppler, and the let us do our thing.

About 4 the Dr was back, she wanted to see where we were so we checked. I was 4cm, and my cervix was no longer posterior, about 70% effaced.

• The Dr. said I was not where she would like to see me by now. She wanted to break my waters and move things along.
• I told her no thanks; I felt we were doing fine. Baby was fine, so was I.
• She didn’t look surprised. She did get quite nasty though, and told me if I didn’t do things the right way this will land in a c-section and was putting myself and child at risk. That she was going off shift and there would be someone else.
• I came up out of Hypnosis, and the bed, looked her square in the eye and told her that my child in fine.
• I am not having a c-section to please her that if she had not noticed this was MY birth. I was the one doing things, until someone can show me that my child was unsafe I would do this all night if needed.  That was the RIGHT way.
• Also that it was a good thing that she was going off shift, because she was fired. I didn’t want her back in my room. I didn’t need any one in there being negative. I was sure there were other people around who could catch this child, and if not I would do it myself.
• She left the room in a quick hurry, and as I turned around again, my husband and everyone including the nurse were all just kind of staring at me.

My husband was stunned, and asked if I could do that, firing the Dr. I told him I didn’t care if I could or not, she wasn’t coming back to my room. Anna asked to get baby back on the monitor for a few, and as I lay down and got all adjusted, she said she had not liked the Dr. either.  I don’t know how things happened from there, but another Dr. came in and introduced himself about 45 min. later and was way more respectful than that woman had been.

We continued, at 7pm the waves were more intense and almost on top of one another. My Doula suggested I get in the shower to help, we did, and it didn’t really help much. I started to shake and shiver but I wasn’t cold. I vomited all over, and then with the next wave I felt pushy. soon there after my waters broke during one of the pushy waves.

**BOP** I have read other people say that it was pushing that was most intense and they were unprepared for. I agree. At some point I stopped using Hypnobabies, and it hurt. My body had taken over, I had no choice but to push. I was on my hands and knees, but that wasn’t working for me. I rolled to my back, someone held my legs, and she came.  I now know what the ring of fire is. **BOP**

Annabella was born at 8:06pm 7lbs 10oz. 21 inches long.  She cried for a bit but was so awake and alert. She is just perfect. She latched on and nursed minutes after birth. I am so happy with this birth. I did it the way I wanted even if it didn’t start the way I choose. I wish the dr had been more supportive. But you can’t have it all.

Pubic Pain home remedy

Pain in Pregnancy

Posted on February 12, 2008 by Kathy 

http://womantowomancbe.wordpress.com/2008/02/12/pain-in-pregnancy/

Most women take pain and discomfort in pregnancy as being normal. Even when pain is bad, and women complain to the obstetricians about it, most doctors dismiss it as the “normal” aches and pains of pregnancy. I did this too. After all, gaining 40 pounds with my first pregnancy (and losing it all), then gaining 50 pounds with my second (working on losing it now), I wasn’t exactly shocked when my lower back started hurting. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that a watermelon on your belly is going to throw your back out of whack. One thing I probably would do differently, though, is to see a chiropractor. I would also have eaten healthier so I wouldn’t have gained as much weight (or lost weight prior to getting pregnant). In one way, I still accept some aches and pains as being normal. I might be wrong.
When my late-pregnancy symptoms that I had conveniently forgotten from my first pregnancy started in my second pregnancy, I was unpleasantly surprised. Not only did they start earlier, but they were worse. It was one thing to have a month or so of poor sleep before giving birth, but almost three months was a whole ‘nother story! I just couldn’t get comfortable, but attributed it to my greater weight gain. Finally, I mentioned it on a birth-y list I was on (a group of probably 10 or so women, all due about the same time, which was a cool coincidence), and one of them gave me this link, because of the specific symptoms I was having. I didn’t have all of the symptoms, but I had enough to agree with the “diagnosis.” Here is a summary of symptoms of “Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction” (and I strongly suggest that you click on the above link and read the entire page, and don’t just take, “Well, of course you’re uncomfortable, dearie–you’re pregnant!” as an answer):

• pubic pain
• pubic tenderness to the touch; having the fundal height measured may be uncomfortable
• lower back pain, especially in the sacro-iliac area
• difficulty/pain rolling over in bed
• difficulty/pain with stairs, getting in and out of cars, sitting down or getting up, putting on clothes, bending, lifting, standing on one foot, lifting heavy objects, etc.
• sciatica (pain in buttocks and down the leg)
• “clicking” in the pelvis when walking
• waddling gait
• difficulty getting started walking, especially after sleep
• feeling like hip is out of place or has to pop into place before walking
• bladder dysfunction (temporary incontinence at change in position)
• knee pain or pain in other areas can sometimes also be a side-effect of pelvis problems
• some chiropractors feel that round ligament pain (sharp tearing or pulling sensations in the abdomen) can be related to SPD

The rest of the webpage has tips for coping, as well as what can be done to resolve the problem (chiropractic–but not every chiropractor will have heard of this or know how to treat it, so do some research first). You don’t have to suffer. Even after reading this page, I didn’t seek chiropractic care, because I assumed it would be too expensive and I didn’t think I had enough time (I was just a couple of weeks away from my estimated due date)–I thought all chiropractic adjustments took three visits a week for a month before you got “fixed.” After giving birth, I mentioned that on that same email list, and regrettably found out that it usually clears up after one visit.
But you might not have to seek chiropractic help! From Dr. Jennifer Padrta, a chiropractor who is on another email list that I’m on is the following:

This is excruciating….and I’ve seen it so much in pregnant moms – usually 1 -3 adjustments clear it up completely….but here’s what she can do at home to help it….

Have mom lie on her back on the floor with her feet on the floor and her knees up. Keep the feet touching and have dad put his hands between her knees. Mom needs to pull together while dad “wishbones” her legs….GENTLY. She may get a “pop” or a crunch sound or no sound at all – all of which is perfectly normal. She may even feel it in her sacroiliac (SI) joints. This is classic for pregnant moms. He keeps doing this until they strengthen up and he can’t pull them apart. If they don’t strengthen within a few days of doing this, then, she may need to go see a chiropractor and get her SI joints checked. Often, the pubic bone won’t release unless I’ve adjusted the SI joints and vice versa….since it’s all connected.

Ligaplex I from Standard Process works well during the beginning of the pregnancy. Usually 4 each day suffice until the 36th week of pregnancy, when I have moms stop it, so the ligaments can relax….but until then, it helps hold adjustments and joints together, which makes life a LOT more comfortable.

My friend complained to me about her pelvic pain, so I sent the above to her, and she said that one time of doing this exercise helped her tremendously. Don’t suffer needlessly. There is an answer.

10 Childbirth Facts What women should know about giving birth

10 Childbirth Facts

What women should know about giving birth

by Ceridwen Morris   |  November 16, 2010

http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/giving-birth/10-facts-childbirth-labor-delivery-signs-giving-birth/?page=1#slideshowholder

Fact 1: It’s not like the movies 

In the movies, the water breaks, everyone panics, mom wobbles up, grabs her belly, and on cue has an enormous contraction, then yells for a taxi. In real life, the water usually breaks during labor and if it does break early, there’s no reason to run screaming to the hospital. Real-life labor is really hard, but it’s not one big screaming emergency. Every labor is unique, but perhaps none more “unique” than the mythical Hollywood birth. 

 Fact 2: Your due date is more like a due month

A full-term pregnancy is anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks. The estimated due date (EDD) is an educated guess, not a firm deadline. The majority of babies are born before or after their due dates; most first-time babies are born an average of four days past the EDD. It can be hard to mentally plan for a whole due month, but a due date is too specific. So, how about a due fortnight? 

Fact 3: Labor goes through very distinct phases with different challenges

Labor is not one continuous, unwavering sensation; it’s a dynamic, rhythmic process. Early labor tends to be long but usually easier to deal with than active labor, which generally requires much more focus and pain-coping techniques. Pushing the baby out at the end is another thing entirely and can actually be a welcome change (now you can finally do something!). Learning about the stages of labor helps you prepare for each one in different ways.

Fact 4: An epidural is just one of many ways to cope with labor

There’s a lot of debate about whether getting an epidural is a “good” idea or a “bad” idea. The only answer is: it depends. An early epidural can slow things down and therefore make more medical intervention necessary. But an epidural given after laboring for a very long time (and when mom is completely exhausted) can actually speed up labor and reduce the chances of more interventions. Try to forget “good” and “bad” when it comes to the epidural; instead, educate yourself about the risks and benefits of the drugs and learn other coping techniques, then see how your labor goes. 

Fact 5: The philosophy of your care-provider matters. A lot.

Some doctors believe in actively managing the labor, introducing medical technology — from labor induction drugs to continuous fetal monitoring — even before they are necessary. Other care-providers believe labor should unfold on its own and medical intervention should only be brought in if something comes up. The way your labor will be handled has a lot to do with who is handling it; talk to your caregiver now about his or her philosophy of birth. And make sure it matches up to your own. 

Fact 6: Your doctor or midwife will not be with you for most of your labor

This often comes as a big surprise to an expecting couple, but it’s common. Doctors and midwives will be on call, advising you when to go to the hospital and will check in on your progress periodically. But for the most part they just show up at the end to catch the baby — midwives tend to be present for longer, but it depends. This is one reason childbirth classes and doulas can be so valuable. 

Fact 7: Induced labors are twice as likely to end in C-Section

Expectations to get births moving at an unrealistic pace have led to the overuse of pitocin, which doubles the odds of having a C-section. Pitocin requires monitoring, which means mom cannot move during labor. Yet, changing position can actually help labor progress and help with pain. Bottom line: Try to avoid induction unless it’s medically necessary. [Claire's note: research whether what the doc's say, is actually really a 'medical necessity' too.]

Fact 8: Staying Home in Early Labor Can Reduce the Chances of a C-section

Barring any specific concerns, there’s no reason to rush to the hospital at the first, or even 50th contraction. You may be turned away if you go in too soon. A good guideline to follow for first pregnancies is 411: Go in when your contractions are four minutes apart, one minute long and have been that way for one hour. Talk about this with your midwife or doctor and call when you know labor has started, but allow your body time at home to really get labor going. [Claire's note: Timing is all well and good, but I'd advise to go in once you can no longer hold a rational conversation between contractions. That's when you know things are moving along]

Fact 9: Birth is a normal physiological event

Yeah, contractions can be very intense and the process of birth can seem overwhelming or even impossible, but the fact is, our bodies were built to do it. Unlike other kinds of pain, labor does not indicate that something is wrong or broken. There are things you can do to get through the hard work: Take a childbirth education class, get some good labor support and learn how labor works. 

Fact 10: A good birth experience is not about how you do it

Surveys of thousands of mothers have revealed that it’s actually not about whether you got the epidural or didn’t get the epidural that makes birth a positive experience. It’s more about whether you were treated with kindness and respect at a vulnerable time. Women with realistic expectations also tend to be happier with their births. This doesn’t mean low expectations, but rather an understanding of what you can control, and what you can’t. Remember that once we banish the idea of a “perfect” birth, the “imperfect” birth goes with it.

Practical Theology for Women: Do unto your children as you would have them do unto you.

Practical Theology for Women: Do unto your children as you would have them do unto you.

Swine Flu vaccine miscarriage risk

Kinda glad I didn't take it now! I didn't read the whole article, but thought it was definitely worth putting up on here!

http://preventdisease.com/news/10/091410_H1N1_miscarriages_shocking_report.shtml

Warning All Pregnant Women: Miscarriages From H1N1 Vaccine As High As 3,587 Cases

A shocking report from the National Coalition of Organized Women (NCOW) presented data from two different sources demonstrating that the 2009/10 H1N1 vaccines contributed to an estimated 1,588 miscarriages and stillbirths. A corrected estimate may be as high as 3,587 cases. NCOW also highlights the fact that the CDC failed to inform their vaccine providers of the incoming data of the reports of suspected H1N1 vaccine related fetal demise.

NCOW collected the data from pregnant women (aged 17 to 45) that occurred after they were administered a 2009 A-H1N1 flu vaccine.The raw data is available on the ProgressiveConvergence.com website

Using the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS), including updates through July 11, 2010 as a second ascertainment source, capture-recapture statistical methods were used to estimate the true number of miscarriages and stillbirths following A-H1N1 flu vaccination in the U.S.

Typically , even so-called "complete" studies conducted by the CDC have been shown to miss from 10% to 90% of the actual cases because of under-reporting.

The statistical method employed is an expeditious and cost effective method of attempting to ascertain a complete count of all cases when two or more ascertainment sources (VAERS and NCOW survey) have failed to collect all the existing cases.

Overall, this approach show that approximately 15% of the occurences of a miscarriage or stillbirth were actually reported.

The ascertainment-corrected estimate for the total number of 2009-A-H1N1-flu-shot-associated miscarriages and stillbirths during the 2009-2010 flu season is 1,588 (95% goodness-of-fit confidence interval, 946 to 3587). That is, the lower and upper range-probability of miscarriage and stillbirths due to the H1N1 vaccine was as low as 946 and as high as 3,587.

Eileen Dannemann, Director of NCOW, stated that before she made a presentation in Rockville, MD, Sept 3, 2010 at the Advisory Commission on Childhood Vaccines (ACCV) meeting. "Dr. Marie McCormick, (long time CDC gal) chair person of the Vaccine Risk and assessment working group, announced that there were NO ADVERSE EVENTS in pregnant women as it concerns the H1N1 vaccine this past flu season," directly contradicting the evidence publicly available.  "This baseless and fallacious assessment by the CDC assessment group has given the green light to the CDC's Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP ) to strongly recommend the 2010/11 flu shot containing not only the offending H1N1 viral component and the neurotoxin mercury (Thimerosal), but 2 other viral strains- a 3 in 1 shot to to all people, including pregnant women,  Dannemann said.

Eileen Dannemann, Director, National Coalition of Organized Women Speech, Friday, September 3, 2010 ACCV Children’s Vaccine Program meeting:

The CDC ascertained that there were 56 maternal deaths (assuming the fetuses died with them).  Dr. Alicia Siston’s study acknowledged that most of these deaths were unconfirmed as being H1N1 virus cause of death despite the fact that the CDC had tests that could have verified, for certain, that these were H1N1 related deaths.

Initially, at the beginning of the H1N1 pandemic consequence management drill there were allegedly 30 maternal deaths.  It was these deaths that the CDC used as propaganda to initiate a campaign to vaccinate the pregnant population. 

In 2007/2008 there were 7 total VAERS reports on vaccine-related fetal demise. In 2009/10 there were 178 VAERS and 70 other source with 7 over laps…that is 241 reports.

Simplistically speaking not vaccinating would have been at the low range 85 times safer for the fetus than vaccinating or at the higher range 192 times safer.  From the grow child in-utero point of view it would have been safer not to vaccinate.

Since the variables (component or synergy of components) in the 2009 H1N1 vaccine have not been identified as to the cause of the H1N1 vaccine-related fetal deaths, we recommend that the ACIP/CDC cease recommending to vaccine providers, and to the public, flu shots to pregnant women; that they adhere to the FDA and manufacturers’ warnings that the flu shot be given to pregnant women only if clearly needed.
The new 2010/11 season combination flu shot contains variables found in the 2009 H1N1 flu shot, including the controversial Thimerosal

Considering that the 56 maternal deaths in Dr. Alicia’s Siston’s study, allegedly due to the H1N1 virus itself, are unverified H1N1 virus related, we emphasize that inoculating pregnant women with another untested vaccine containing a combination of components found in the offending 2009 H1N1 vaccine is insupportable.
We emphasize that it can be argued that it was an act of gross negligence that the CDC failed to inform their vaccine providers of the incoming VAERS data of the reports of suspected H1N1 vaccine related fetal demise.  It can also be argued that the CDC willfully withheld the information to their vaccine providers that the 30 original maternal deaths were mostly unconfirmed.

We recommend strongly, considering that the same major questionable components, the H1N1 component and Thimerosal, will be used in the 2010/11 season in a combination flu shot, that all vaccine providers are appraised of  last seasons VAERS reports as it concerns pregnant women and that pregnant women be given the vaccine information that properly advises them of the risk to benefit as stated herein.  And that the CDC withdraws their recommendation to pregnant women and adhere to the FDA/manufacturers warning on the insert packages that the flu shot not be given to pregnant women unless clearly needed.

It is my understanding that the CDC got away with transcending the FDA warning and vaccinating the pregnant women with an untested vaccines because…a pandemic engenders the “clear needed” caveat…. that vaccinating pregnant women was “clearly needed” during a pandemic or potential pandemic. Moreover, the CDC proof in the pudding for this egregious initiative was the 30 maternal deaths, albeit clearly “unconfirmed”

Eileen Dannemann is the Director of the National Coalition of Organized Women, and represents individuals spending their own time and money as to speak up for progressive change and a new vision for America…and the world. For more information, visit the Progressive Convergence Website.

Low Amniotic fluid levels. Time to panic?

http://www.themidwifenextdoor.com/?p=1141

Written on September 14, 2010 at 6:51 pm by Birth Sense

Low Amniotic Fluid Levels: A Cause For Panic?

Have you ever noticed how many recommendations in modern obstetrics end with the caveat, “However, studies have not shown a difference in perinatal outcomes”.

What exactly do those words mean? In plain English, the authors could say, “None of these interventions we’re recommending have made a difference in how many babies end up having problems”.

Take, for example, the situation of oligohydramnios, or low levels of amniotic fluid, in late pregnancy. Oligo, as those in the medical professions call it for short, has many possible causes. Some of them are serious. In most cases, the earlier in pregnancy that the oligo appears, the more potential risk it carries. It may be caused by kidney problems in the baby, or congenital defects.

The type of oligo I’d like to discuss today is the type that shows up late in pregnancy, with a normal baby, and no known cause. The type that causes everyone to panic and decide to induce the mother with low fluid, even if her cervix is not very favorable for induction. The poor mother as often as not then ends up with a cesarean for failure to progress or fetal distress.

We seem to have had a run of women diagnosed with oligo late in their pregnancies, along with suspicion of growth restricted babies. The two often go hand-in-hand, as fluid levels may decrease if the growth-restricted baby’s kidneys are receiving less blood in order to protect the brain.

But in all but one of the dozen or so recent cases I was involved in, every baby ended out NOT being growth restricted and most of the women did not even have oligo! You don’t have oligo when you are soaking chux pad after chux pad throughout several hours of labor. This trend concerns me, because we are doing a lot of inductions unnecessarily. I decided to see what the literature says.

Interestingly, much of the recent literature states that the two most common techniques of measuring fluid levels, the AFI (aminiotic fluid level index) and SDP (single deepest pocket) “were unreliable for detecting true AF volumes” (Magann, et al). Yet we keep using these tests and subjecting women to fear and stress through repeated testing and screening, and even inductions when there is no indication that the baby is not doing well. Over and over, I read that inducing a woman with low amniotic fluid when there is no indication of fetal distress does NOT improve outcomes. But we do know that inductions can lead to other problems, such as increased c-section rates, increased use of pain medication, and increased need for forceps or vaccuum.
What is more, other studies have indicated that two simple interventions can help bring amniotic fluid levels up: drinking lots of water, and immersing the body in water daily. In my practice, women who have religiously had extra water to drink and spent at least one hour daily submerged in water have all succeeded in raising their AFI’s to normal or nearly normal levels. Of course, my experience is purely anecdotal, but I include a reference below to a study that validated the use of submersion to raise AFI levels.

So what can you do if you are diagnosed with oligo? First, consider where you are in your pregnancy. If this occurs late in prenancy, it is less likely to indicate a problem with the baby. Rather than rushing to an induction out of fear or stress, reassure yourself by reviewing the studies below that indicate no change in outcomes by hurrying to induction. Talk with your provider about trying hydration and submersion to raise your fluid levels. Consider the possibility that the test may be inaccurate, and that if your baby is doing well, there is no need to induce labor. Arm yourself with the facts, and advocate intelligently for yourself and your baby.

Literature supporting oral hydration and immersion in water to improve amniotic fluid levels:
1. Chandra PC, Schiavello HJ, Lewandowski MA. (2000). Effect of oral and intravenous hydration on oligohydramnios. The Journal of Reproductive Medicine, 45(4), 337-341.
2. Deka D, Malhotra B. (2000). Role of maternal oral hydration in increasing amniotic fluid volume in pregnant women with oligohydramnios. International Journal of Gynecology & Obstetrics, 73, 115-156.
3. Strong TH. (1993). Reversal of oligohydramnios with subtotal immersion: A report of five cases, American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology, 169(6), 1595-1597.
Literature reporting overdiagnosis of low amniotic fluid index measurements and lack of improved outcomes with induction:
1. Maann EF. Chauhan SP, Barrilleaux PS, Whitworth NS, McCurley S, Martin JN. Ultrasound estimate of amniotic fluid volume: color Doppler overdiagnosis of oligohydramnios. Obstet Gynecol 2001 Jul;98(1):71-4.
2. Magann EF, Chauhan SP, Doherty DA, Magann MI, Morrison JC. The evidence for abandoning the amniotic fluid index in favor of the single deepest pocket. Am J Perinatol. 2007 Oct;24(9):549-55. Epub 2007 Oct 1.
3. Magann EF, Chauhan SP, Barrilleaux PS, Whitworth NS, Martin JN. Amniotic fluid index and single deepest pocket: weak indicators of abnormal amniotic volumes. Obstet Gynecol. 2000 Nov; 96(5 Pt 1):737-40.

After the birth, what a family needs

I got this off the Unassisted Childbirth forums at http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=33&t=6304&p=63290#p63290 .  I love these ladies, they are so knowledgable when it comes to childbirth!  I wish I had found this article about 2 months ago, before my 2nd son was born! Actually, before my first would have been great, but oh well, I'll have it for next time! 

OCTOBER 28, 2008
AFTER THE BIRTH, WHAT A FAMILY NEEDS
“Let me know if I can help you in any way when the baby is born.” … “Just let me know if you need a hand.” … “Anything I can do, just give me a call.”

Most pregnant women get these statements from friends and family but shy away from making requests when they are up to their ears in dirty laundry, unmade beds, dust bunnies and countertops crowded with dirty dishes. The myth of “I’m fine, I’m doing great, new motherhood is wonderful, I can cope and my husband is the Rock of Gibraltar” is pervasive in postpartum land. If you’re too shy to ask for help and make straight requests of people, I suggest sending the following list out to your friends and family. These are the things I have found to be missing in every house with a new baby. It’s actually easy and fun for outsiders to remedy these problems for the new parents but there seems to be a lot of confusion about what’s wanted and needed…

1. Buy us toilet paper, milk and beautiful whole grain bread.
2. Buy us a new garbage can with a swing top lid and 6 pairs of black cotton underpants (women’s size____).
3. Make us a big supper salad with feta cheese, black Kalamata olives, toasted almonds, organic green crispy things and a nice homemade dressing on the side. Drop it off and leave right away. Or, buy us frozen lasagna, garlic bread, a bag of salad, a big jug of juice, and maybe some cookies to have for dessert. Drop it off and leave right away.
4. Come over about 2 in the afternoon, hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then fold all the piles of laundry that have been dumped on the couch, beds or in the room corners. If there’s no laundry to fold yet, do some.
5. Come over at l0 a.m., make me eggs, toast and a 1/2 grapefruit. Clean my fridge and throw out everything you are in doubt about. Don’t ask me about anything; just use your best judgment.
6. Put a sign on my door saying “Dear Friends and Family, Mom and baby need extra rest right now. Please come back in 7 days but phone first. All donations of casserole dinners would be most welcome. Thank you for caring about this family.”
7. Come over in your work clothes and vacuum and dust my house and then leave quietly. It’s tiring for me to chat and have tea with visitors but it will renew my soul to get some rest knowing I will wake up to clean, organized space.
8. Take my older kids for a really fun-filled afternoon to a park, zoo or Science World and feed them healthy food.
9. Come over and give my husband a two hour break so he can go to a coffee shop, pub, hockey rink or some other r & r that will delight him. Fold more laundry.
10. Make me a giant pot of vegetable soup and clean the kitchen completely afterwards. Take a big garbage bag and empty every trash basket in the house and reline with fresh bags.
These are the kindnesses that new families remember and appreciate forever. It’s easy to spend money on gifts but the things that really make a difference are the services for the body and soul described above. Most of your friends and family members don’t know what they can do that won’t be an intrusion. They also can’t devote 40 hours to supporting you but they would be thrilled to devote 4 hours. If you let 10 people help you out for 4 hours, you will have the 40 hours of rested, adult support you really need with a newborn in the house. There’s magic in the little prayer “I need help.”
First posted online August 2001

The person who posted at this site added the following: Give mom a good massage. Make her a nice herbal infusion. Get her a nice movie to watch while she nurses baby and you wash the cloth diapers for her.
Hope this helps.